Gloomy Curacao

I have had this post done for a long time (well the pictures and videos) but I kept coming back to edit the words because this time Curacao was different.

Rewind with me for a second; 2018 was one of the best years of my life. I was single for the first time in way too long and I took full advantage. I said yes to everything, traveled constantly, did things that wifed-up-me would never have done, made new life-long friendships – all in all I rediscovered how awesome and adventurous I am. I had a steady job and I decided that for all of 2018 I wasn’t going to worry about anything except living my life to the fullest.

As the new year approached I kept telling myself that it was gonna be all about my future and making big moves. So 2019 hit hard.

I kept giving myself unrealistic deadlines for decisions that would impact the rest of my life. I started to feel lonely and settled for companionship even when it wasn’t what I wanted… which lead to sticky situations and tremendous guilt.

In 2018, I learned how to be happy. 2019 came in hot with rejection and sadness.

Curacao colors were not as bright nor the ocean as tempting – I just wanted to go home. But I didn’t want to show that weakness to anyone. I just covered it up with a smile and told myself I was being crazy.

Which was a crazy thing to do – because my intuition is ALWAYS spot on. Five odd months later I am kicking myself in the ass because if I was just honest about how I was feeling and let myself be sad for a second I would have had a blast just like the first time.

Damn. Even just writing all that out made me feel so free.

Punda & Otrobanda

We did all the same things except this time I was 5th wheel. & Sad. When I am odd wheel out *& happy* I love it and theres no awkwardness and I’m running around living my best life… but sad me was glued to my phone.

You may be thinking “you’re a blogger\instagramer person thing, you must ALWAYS be glued to your phone.”

FALSE. Bears beating Battlestar Galactica type FALSE.

I am all about living in the moment. Yes, I do take pictures on pictures but I don’t post until there’s down time.

I was texting nonstop and going through social media as if my life depended on it. I needed constant stimulation so that my sad thoughts wouldn’t come out and wipe the smile off my face.

Sadness is exhausting.

Sail to Klein Curacao

I swam and walked Klein alone.

I could live in this lighthouse. This coral panel is to die for.

I am never sad in saltwater. Unfortunately, I had to dry off at some point.

The weather and landscape this time was much drier but we saw way more sea turtles. This a juvenile. I fixated the GoPro on him and only gave the slightest tap of my fin to follow without alarm. We hung out for quite some time actually.

I stared at him and his deformed shell wondering what happened. Maybe it was a birth defect. Maybe he, too, was sad – so sad that a part of his shell sunk.

He just kept eating. Occasionally he would peer up.

His judgmental little eyes saying “you’re so dramatic.”

…accurate.

Off-Roading

We went on another ATV excursion and before you continue to scroll through the pictures please watch this short ‘How-To’ video on coping with being the 5th wheel on a romantic ATV expedition on a tropical island paradise…

Do not try this at home… or anywhere

Most of my life I would just get angry instead of sad. Anger sucks. It makes everything worse. It’s an emotional wall we put up to protect ourselves that usually collapses on our own shoulders. After feeling true happiness for almost all of 2018 I couldn’t let myself go back.

Visited Family

Mitzi’s grandmother’s house has been the setting of all my day dreams since the first time I visited in October.

Yet not even this dreamy destination could I forget the weight of my heavy heart.

Jan Thiel Beach

We did all the same things we did on my first trip and it was all as gorgeous and breath taking as ever… despite what my gray tinted glasses lead me to believe.

FYI if any one of you is ever feeling sad or some kind of way please message me. I love helping people and all you guys have helped me so much… sometimes its good just to get it out. TBH best way to get ahold of me is Instagram. Just don’t be creepy.

Which I realize is a lot to ask for nowadays but like just try.

Shaking off this funk took forever. I failed a lot. Shut out the world constantly.

It took baby steps, like appreciating flowers again.

Spending time in nature and with animals always helps.

Eventually I stopped expecting so much of myself; Forgave myself for my failures and shortcomings.

In 2018 I learned to be happy. 2019 I learned how to be sad.

2020 will meet the best me there has been yet.

Good to be back!

Stay Fascinated.

My First Shark

Shark week is upon us. 

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& although I watch very little TV and am not a huge fan of Shark week (forgive me) … I will happily jump on the bandwagon – or dive into it.

Sharks are most likely my favorite animal. Don’t quote me on that.  I love alligators too… Don’t quote me on that either – I love all animals OKEIII. I remember my first time running into a shark in the wild (that I can recall anyway).

I was a tiny little thing, maybe 4 years old (don’t quote me on that either), in the middle of the ocean kicking away with my ranas (pata ranas… fins in Spanish… ranas for short) when someone yelled “shark!” & even though I sympathized with the shark in the movie “Jaws” (“he’s just hungry mommy” I would say through streaming tears), I was struck by fear… I still didn’t want to be dinner. That fear redirected me to the boat ..and COMPLETELY paralyzed me about 5 seconds later when suddenly something took hold of my little fin and pulled me backwards.

I thought I was dead.

Shark won.

Nicole dead.

Luckily, it was my dear old dad. He grabbed my fin, swung me around and pointed.

I will remember that hammerhead for the rest of my life.

It was enormous. His dorsal fin was as tall as I was. It moved so slowly, so gracefully towards us. I looked at my dad through my mask, his one arm wrapped around my torso held me in place. He pointed again to the shark. I was so grateful to my father in that moment.

PAUSE: Before I continue with the story you should know something about my father and I. We have quite the unspeakable bond, we understand each other… & I am telling you that so you understand that what my father did next… I knew he was going to do… and he knew how I was going to react…:

As this giant glided below us he grabbed the back of my bathing suit and pushed me towards it, (the shark was a good 10 – 15 ft under us so CHILL) and I used the momentum to dive down as far as my little sausage legs would take me. He pulled me back up by my tiny fin.

We watched the shark fade into the blue, it swam away with all my nonsensical fear.

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Haven’t seen a hammerhead in the wild since but here are some other sharkicle encounters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also proof that I am part shark:

 

 

 

Stay Fascinated

2.5 Seconds of Denver

My best friend moved away from Miami. Just typing that made my stomach hurt. She at one point or another fell in love with Denver, CO. So she and her boyfriend packed their bags sold their cars and took the plunge. I hate how much they are loving it.

Aaaanyway. It was her birthday and so me and another friend spent about two months slapping ourselves on the wrist for CONSTANTLY… C O N S T A N T L Y almost giving away the surprise… that we would be going to visit her! We arrived late Thursday night & intercepted her as she came home from bar hopping across the city.

We terrified her:

Excuse the unprofessionalism in the video, we were crazy excited.

Now let me be honest with everyone real quick… I am no party animal. I prefer day drinking and house parties to running around town. It’s a once a week at most occurrence for me. But anything for my friends…. I was ready for bed – but my girl pulled the “it’s my birthday” card and I obliged. (good karma)

The gang

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It was Denver … what did you want from me?

 

Day 1

Woke up and went to straight to Union Square, gorgeous:

We had a lit breakfast at Snooze.

And although I usually just say that

I am NOT just saying that.

We all agreed it would be awesome to work there. All the waiters clearly – not just got along – were friends. They were having fun. I promise you it made the already delicious food, taste better.

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Ignore me I know nothing about celebrities/pop culture/music (save Steve Irwin, Drake, Bad Bunny, & POUYA)…

 

 

Then we went for a light walk.

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JK it was a three-hour ordeal and our experience could easily merit an episode of I Shouldn’t Be Alive.

Okay no but we were expecting a casual stroll and got to walk through an uncovered trail through red hot sand…. through some of the most beautiful landscape I have ever seen. (Keep up I am 100% hot and cold like that all the time) Also when you are scoffing thinking it wasn’t that hot please keep in mind that you are hearing this from a cold-blooded human being that frequently falls asleep in gym saunas and didn’t bother to get her air conditioning fixed in the dead of summer when it broke for two weeks.

So yes, I am being A LITTLE dramatic… But only a little.

Released my weight in sweat.

Stopped to take pictures for the sake of stopping.

There were some cool flowers. The long ones are Spanish Bayonets. And those are not just regular dandelions… they are Hulk Dandelions… okay that’s a lie but it shouldn’t have to be… They are huge!

Puppy paws were burning. He had to be carried.

I tried to carry him for a bit but that lasted all of 10 minutes. Props to Robbie who carried for about an hour.

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My legs were shaking by this point.

I died and was sent to hell but they sent me back because I was too hot and it was disturbing the other demons.

 

Worth it.

We reached civilation. Hydrated, napped, showered and went out for another night of debauchery. Which started with…

FlOwEr ShOtS:

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They make your mouth feel like it’s full of minty \lemony pop rocks for all of one minute. And then you take a super sweet shot, because idk? … I’d be fine with just the flower.

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Day 2

We ate at home. They don’t have a cafetera (Cuban coffee maker… spanglish will be a thing here) and it hurt but we resolved with Starbucks.

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Then we went to a reservoir…  -_-

Look. I am going to be harsh here because I love the water. I love being in water and if this is 5 years in the future you probably think this post is super weird because WHERE THE FISH AT?! WHERE THE WAVES BE?! I will explain at the end.

BUT I’d be lying if I said the reservoir was in itself fun… there was a makeshift beach area with all of 3.6 inches of water roped off and that was the only place people were allowed to swim. Did I say people because I meant kids. Thousands of them packed in 2.3 inches of beach water space with an adult here and there. OH and 5 life guards every inch. It was awful. And the water was -67 degrees. Okay no but it was soooo cold and the atmosphere was sooooo hot that I am sure it exaggerated what we were feeling.

Worse was that every 30 minutes or so the lifeguards would start blowing their whistles which marked what one of them playfully called “Adult Swim.” Sounds good right? No kids just a bunch of sexy adults swimming sans children. Well you are wrong. No one is sexy at the reservoir. The water is too cold and the air too hot. There is no swimming during adult swim. Everyone has to get out of the water…  It’s just break time for lifeguards I guess… I don’t know we didn’t get a clear explanation.

Nonetheless, it was a great time. The reservoir was a fail but the friends made it awesome. There is no such thing as not having fun when you are with friends… and food… no particular order tbh.

We were all dead so no party tonight (jumps for joy on the inside)… Instead we had a birthday dinner at Texas de Brazil (jumps off a cliff from joy on the inside) and ate ourselves into a coma.

 

Day 3

We started the day with mimosas and guac. It was a good day.

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Nina’s mother came to town and we went to a Brewery for breakfast\brunch… Blue Moon Brewery. I got queso dip, a steak flat bread and a beermosa to make it breakfasty.

You- what’s a beermosa

Me – it’s in the name.

You – that was bitchy

Me – heres a pic!img_4846.png

… it is a mimosa made with beer.

So Nina’s little brother is an AMAZING rapper. And he coincidentally was in Denver for a (sold out) show. We did another round of flower shots and then joined him backstage for his concert. Absolutely phenomenal.

Reading this it probably seems like we were there forever but it really felt like 2.5 seconds. Time flies when you love everyone around you.

 

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Strange that my first blog post would be about my time spent on land instead of with water. But HEY when inspiration kicks in don’t fight it, right?

It’s taken me a long time to start this blog. Maybe I am so passionate about the ocean I can’t write my first post about it because if this is a huge flop (pun intended) it will be easier to handle if it isn’t because I was lackluster in writing about the love of my life… the ocean.

 

Stay tuned. Stay fascinated.

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